Who did this amazing portrait of a mouth?

My dentist is really happy, despite the overwhelming odds that he will hate his career and suffer debilitating depression. Totally oblivious! Love him. And something else, too, which occurred to me as I was awaiting the drill, is, Why has no one in the world ever discussed the fact that dentist's offices have gigantic framed (and signed) photographs of mouths hanging like art on their walls? The mouths are gorgeous (but totally American) and it got me thinking about what someone might say about my mouth if it was photographed at close range and framed. SMILE.

I had my cavity filled today and the drilling didn't so much bother me, but talking about it here does (Oh, hell, who am I trying to fool? If you know me, you know I'd fall asleep with a Snickers bar hanging out of my mouth if I wasn't kept awake by the guilt of what that would do to Wynn, growing up with a toofless parent and all who can't control their binge eating). There are more pictures in the room of a trip he took to Yellowstone back in 2001 and one of them is of a giant bear, climbing a hill.

Me: "Do you mind me asking how far away that bear is?"

Him: "Oh, not far at all. From about here to that wall (pointing to the wall that was almost touching at the bottom of my feet, at most 3 feet away)."

Me: "Wow. That's close! How'd you manage the shot?"

Him: "Well, that was back in the day when people used to feed the bears."

Me: "Yeah, how sad. And then they're all breaking into cabins and chasing people's two-toned Wagoneers (or was John Candy in The Great Outdoors?)."

Him: "And I was in a car. So…"

Me: Cutting him off, "Ahhhhh…wu gat crtlee moks uh dffrse (with water and a vacuum in my mouth)."

(That certainly makes a difference.)

Him: "Yeah. But I am not an outdoorsy type person. I figured everyone should probably see Yellowstone. So I went."

Me: …

(How sadder! And who says I'm not an outdoorsy type of person anymore? I must have looked tired and old. Because if this life thing is about only the strong survive, it's sort of weird that my male dentist is presenting himself as a couch potato, right?).

The whole appointment went really well, only I left without feeling in the left side of my mouth. It was pretty cool and very entertaining, but I was slightly stressed about biting a hole in my mouth---which would really make life hard, considering I already have a canker sore right now (which is nothing like the one I had last summer before Erin's wedding, when I poured half a bottle of Kanka in my mouth before each meal, just to eat, fergodsakes).